Non harmful mace

Fall is once again upon us, and that means it's time to start talking about autumnal classics because apparently that's a type of food.  I'm not sure who decided we're not supposed to eat gingerbread and stuffing all year round, but whatever.  So let's talk about a spice that's considered a major player in autumnal edibles, Mace, or myristica fragrans.  No, it isn't used in pepper spray.  It's also got nothing to do with the medieval weapon of the same name.  No, mace is a much more benign substance than the name would lead you to believe.

Mace is the same plant as nutmeg.  It's funny how we give such different names to different parts of the same plant.  For example, cilantro and coriander are the same plant, but are the leaves and seeds of it, respectively.  Though this distinction is lost outside of the US where they call both "coriander".  Cilantro is the Spanish name for the plant and we're most familiar with it through Mexican cooking so...  Wait, I'm rambling again...

Let's try that again...  Mace is the same plant as nutmeg.  The difference is that nutmeg is the, well, nut.  Mace is the aril, or soft skin that covers it.  It looks almost like something out of a SyFy original.  Like a weird alien egg.  This covering is peeled off in what is referred to as "blades".  These are rather delicate which is why you almost never find them sold whole.  In fact, the delicate nature of the plant makes this one of the most expensive spices second only to saffron.

Better not let Kane inspect them...

So what does it taste like?  All this time I've been talking about mace and I haven't mentioned the flavor at all.  Well, sit down and brace yourself.  You're not gonna believe this.  Mace tastes...  like nutmeg.  It's a little more delicate, woody and fragrant, but all in all the two are very similar.  Because of the expense of mace, it would be completely understandable if you decided to substitute nutmeg instead.  Apparently there's a saying that mace is for cooking while nutmeg is for baking, but the recipes I've seen tend to directly contradict that.

Speaking of recipes, this is the part where I give a recipe.  I don't use mace in much, I'll admit.  I tend to just throw it into sauce heavy dishes to add more flavor so I don't have a recipe of my own that I use.  However, this recipe calls out to me despite the fact that I haven't tried it yet.

Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves)

UPDATE: Make that recipe if you want to. However, I have found a recipe that is AMAZING!!!!!!!!! You must eat it now!!!! I tried using veggie hotdogs but they were bland and useless. Use potatoes instead for easy vegetarian soup.

Yellow Split Pea and Frankfurter Soup

So while you might not use a whole lot of mace outside of festive fall confections, you'll get a lot of mileage out of it if you're into baked sweets.  While people might insist it shines best in savory dishes, I feel that it gets called for equally in both parts.

Look out! It's hatching! RUN!

McCormick to Clean Up

Well, I didn't see this one coming.  Apparently McCormick spices is trying to clean up and jump on board the organic bandwagon.  Full article here.

I have a few thoughts on this.  The first is this.  Yay!  Organic!  Yay!  As you could probably tell if you've read some of the entries I've posted on here, I like it when my food is made out of food and not out of product.  I like my veggies fresh and my sauces unprocessed.  I hate when people put things in my food that I don't want.  It's not part of the deal.  When you hear about things like gutter oil being used in food it can give you nightmares.  This is exactly why we need better food standards, and organic standards are just one.

But here's another thing.  Organic food is a market.  It's a very big, growing market.  So many companies want a piece of that pie.  Sometimes it's hard to even know what "organic" means when the USDA themselves has a few different terms all using "organic" that mean different things.  A lot of people are worried that "organic" is starting to lose its meaning and turn into a marketing buzzword.  I'm only half inclined to agree.  I think moving toward more environmentally friendly farming should be applauded and keeping hazardous pesticides off produce is good too.  However, I have to wonder if McCormick is doing this out of the goodness of their own hearts.

Another thing, and people will probably disagree with me on this, is the whole GMO thing.  Now, I'm not a scientist.  Far from it.  I'm just some guy writing a blog for my own amusement.  However, having looked at a few science type articles, I'm left with the impression that GMOs are not some scary big-pharma conspiracy to poison everyone.  Rather, I see at as more of a science that needs heavier regulation within the industry.  Sure, a particular modification can wind up having adverse effects.  However, modifying food has taken place all throughout recorded history.  The corn we eat today is itself a GMO.  Manipulating genes has some scary implications and we absolutely should not trust Monsanto ever, but saying something is "non GMO" shouldn't read as a gold star either.

Finally, the thing that bugs me the most is how shady the world of spice merchants is.  I'm not going to name names, but one clerk at a spice shop had a long talk with me about the various tricky methods that some merchants have of cutting their product and jacking prices.  Everything from iron shavings in rosemary to dirt in cumin.  These are sadly common methods of cost cutting.  I'm worried that McCormick isn't making these "organic" changes out of principal, but because of profit.  If that's not the case, why didn't it happen sooner?  Why did they wait until the organic market was taking off to a memetic degree?  I'm worried that they'll do whatever they can to cut corners while still being able to put "organic" and "GMO free" on their labeling.

Still a hell of a lot better than Cento, though.

Brace Yourselves. Basic Season Is Upon Us.

Oh boy...  Pumpkin spice...  Well I suppose I had to get to this one eventually, didn't I?  You can't very well talk about spices and just ignore pumpkin spice entirely.  Even if you really, really want to.  First, let's get this out of the way.  It is NOT pumpkin spice.  It is not a spice used for seasoning pumpkins.  No, it is called pumpkin pie spice.  Because it is used for pies.  It contains nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger and cloves, and optionally allspice and mace.  You'll also see use for it in apple tarts and other delicious fall favorites.  I mean...  not that I use it...

If absolutely must use it and care to make your own, it's two parts nutmeg and ginger, one part everything else.  Try not to make too much since it doesn't keep especially well (dried ginger in particular can be a bit like chalk) and...  well I mean you're not gonna keep using it because I certainly wouldn't.  Nope, I don't find myself much use for pumpkin spice.  I mean pumpkin pie spice. I barely touch the stuff.

All of the spices in this blend have a warm, earthy taste and a bit of sweetness to them.  Many American pastries use a similar flavor profile.  It works very well in many of your favorites, from gingerbread, to kugel, to apple pie, to snickerdoodles, to lattes, to...  Wait, I mean, no! Never put it in coffee!  That's only for basics who blindly follow trends!  Ew!  We don't do that at this blog!  This is a serious blog for spice lovers!

Now, since I absolutely, positively, never, ever, ever put it in lattes, I'm going to give you an actual pumpkin pie recipe.  The fine people at Melange, my favorite spice store hands down, recently put up one of their own and I'd like to share it with you here.  Pumpkin pie is easily my favorite pie and this is a great recipe to...  I mean...  No!  Pumpkin pie is just OK!  I'm not into pumpkin spice! Really! I'm not!

In conclusion, pumpkin pie spice is a great addition to baked desserts and evokes the fall season with its earthy warmth.  It's one of the most celebrated and beloved parts of autumn festivals and...  it tastes so good and...  OH GOD I NEED MORE PUMPKIN SPICE! MUST HAVE MORE!!!  GIVE ME ALL THE LATTES! I DON'T CARE IF I'M BASIC I NEEEEEEEEEEEED IT!!!!

...please don't tell anyone...

Insomnia + Blog = ...

Look, I'm really tired. I just haven't slept in a while, you know? I'm sorry... But like, can we all agree that the five mother sauces aren't a thing? That's just dumb. That's seriously dumb. I mean come on. They don't doing bechamel in Japan! God...

And then a foodie told me to learn the mother sauces of Thai cooking and I was like "peace".

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S IN SOY SAUCE, DO YOU?!

They Did WHAT?!

So...  There's this joke going around.  This is sure to ruffle a few feathers, but if you're really, genuinely, actually offended by this, I feel kinda bad for you.  So what is this joke?

"The joke is, white people had the nerve to invade 90% of the world for spices and then not use a single one." -shuttersmiley

OK, perhaps that joke is pretty insensitive, but it's not meant seriously.  However, there is a DEFINITE trend in Western cooking to shy away from spices.  This was made worse in the US of A during the great depression, and the echoes of that can still be felt today (wonder bread, anyone?).  Sure, we've got our barbecue sauces, steak rubs and Buffalo wings, but then we've also got our baked potatoes with butter, our green beans with butter, our grilled meat with nothing on it, and that horrible frozen brick of spinach that nobody has ever enjoyed ever.  You know the one.

Yum yum!

But why is this?  Why do we think of Western food as being kind of bland, while Latin, Mediterranean and Asian food has a reputation as being exotic in its spiciness?  It turns out there is a reason.  However, this reason made my head explode.  NPR has the story here.

So if you want the TL;DR version or just felt confused by all that, the take home message is that rich Europeans stopped using spices because they became cheap enough for everyone to afford and were thus no longer an exclusive status symbol.

I. So. Literally. Can't. Even. Right. Now.

Okay, so sometimes I feel a little lazy or just want to keep it simple and put nothing more than salt and pepper in my eggs.  Sometimes I even say "no nutmeg for my eggnog, thank you."  But to give up my spices just because everyone else is doing it?  Oh hell no.  I don't want to live in a world where people stop using pumpkin spice just because it's basic, let alone all spices altogether.

So what have we learned?  Trends are stupid and you should never follow them.  Especially if they make no sense.  I'm looking at you, kale!

Replacing Salt with Spices

While a lot of talk goes on about the health benefits of spices, most of these are... dubious at best.  Some people just repeat anything they hear without checking it, but then there are those who are actually trying to con you.  Remember, if it sounds like someone is trying to sell you something, they are.

"If you just gargle half a teaspoon of turmeric every day you'll never get sick again!"

One thing that science is very clear on, however, is that too much sodium in your diet is bad for you. My doctor made a specific point of telling me that my blood pressure was too high and I needed to go low salt.  As I've talked about before, this is what led me to get so obsessed with spices.  A low sodium diet is pretty bland, so you need something to wake those flavors up.  Fortunately, this is something you can do with spices quite well.  You may be familiar with the Mrs. Dash line of seasoning blends, but you can use single spices as well.  In fact, Watch Mojo made a video on just this.

Now, it needs to be said that none of these will replace the flavor of effect of salt.  They will wake up the flavors of the dish you're preparing, but don't expect it to taste salty.  That said, all of these options are pretty good.  I'll add my two cents that onion powder, cayenne and coriander can all help in their own way.  To be honest, though, you're still probably going to want to use SOME salt.  Try just using a tiny pinch along with other substitutes.

One big reason why most Americans consume too much salt is because not enough people are cooking their own food.  Prepared foods (frozen/canned/just add water) and foods from restaurants (from fast food all the way to haute cuisine, no exceptions) are chock full of salt to trigger the bliss point.  Our brains are wired to make us crave salt, fat and sugar (a survival instinct leftover from before agriculture) which is why you can't eat just one.  However, going low on sodium is not only good for you, it also shows you just how little you actually need salt for food to taste good.  And I mean REALLY good.

While you may not be able to substitute salt in a way that makes it taste like your food is still salty, you can still cut sodium while keeping your food flavorful.  Give it a go sometime.  You'll be surprised in a number of ways.  One of these ways for me was a new found annoyance with the food industry for replacing all flavor with salt, but now that I know how to make food taste better than they do, I have the power.

Pictured: Me in the kitchen.

Sazón: La Especia de Encanta

Part of my family is from Puerto Rico. The island isn't the most vegetarian friendly but what I can eat is really good. Mofongo, arañitas, pastelillos and arroz con gandules are all dishes that any boricua will gush about. Most dishes have a combination of earthy and tangy flavors that remind one of the famous pairing of cumin and coriander.  Indeed, it is this combination that you will find in the vast majority of the island's "cocina criolla" or creole cooking and in sazón (pronounced "sah-ZONE").

Sazón is a seasoning blend that is kind of frowned on for a couple of reasons.  First, it's full of salt and MSG which...  well, that's another article for another time.  Second, it's often used to replace achiote oil (annatto seeds cooked in oil), which more prestigious chefs use to give foods distinct flavors.  I totally get that, but when I visit the island, we eat Abuelita's cooking and she reaches for the Sazón Goya.  You do not want to cross Abuelita.  Her cooking spoon is meaner than Nonna's.  Trust, bruh.

The face of a stone cold killer

Like many seasoning blends, sazón (which literally translates as "seasoning") is just a combination of spices popular in the region.  It's known throughout the Caribbean and elsewhere in Latin America.  It's even easy to find in continental U.S. supermarkets thanks to the ubiquity of the international foods aisle (better known as the "Goya aisle").  However, like most things you'll find in boxes, it's really heavy on salt.  Fortunately, it's REALLY easy to make your own.  

Just use equal parts of the following (I usually go with 1 TBSP each):

• salt
• black pepper
• garlic powder
• cumin
• coriander
• annatto
• MSG (optional)
• onion powder (optional)
• oregano (optional)

Of course, you can adjust these as you see fit.  Most recipes do not call for oregano or onion powder at all.  I don't put salt or MSG into the blend when I make it myself as both of those are best added on their own, depending on how much is desired for the recipe.  I tend to go low salt and leaving it out helps.  However, annatto is ABSOLUTELY NOT optional.  I've seen a very weird trend in recipes to suggest replacing annatto (which, I admit, is sometimes hard to find) with paprika.  I can only assume this is because these people think paprika and annatto are flavorless, and only used for color.  Do not make this mistake. Abuelita would never forgive you.

As for a good recipe to try this Caribbean concoction on, I like to show people arroz con gandules (rice with pigeon peas).  Most of us are familiar with the Mexican take on rice and beans, which is delicious in its own right.  The Puerto Rican version is quite different and showcases what makes creole cooking unique.  Even readers of the Facebook page Being Latino rated it as the best kind. Enjoy el sabor auténtico.

So while it might be a betrayal of Puerto Rican cuisine, sazón is also what the majority of Puerto Ricans use at home which makes it quite authentic as far as Abuelita is concerned.  And if it's good enough for her, you'd better eat it.  Or else.

Spicy father's day to... Me?!?!

So apparently my father and sister conspired to buy me father's day presents. Even though I'm not a father. Hey, gift horse, mouth, whatever... Spicy dukkah and harissa. Good times!

Za'atar - Not A Lovecraftian Demon

Forgive the lack of new content lately. I've been busy saving the universe. Well that and I've moved into a new apartment. Of course I took my whole spice cabinet with me and unpacking it served as inspiration to write a little bit more.

Sometimes, being spice obsessed has its drawbacks. For example, I've gotten some very odd looks from people after being a little bit too comfortable with flinging around exotic spice names. Za'atar is about as exotic as spice names come. It sounds like some sort of magic spell or perhaps a creature from a bad science fiction movie and here I am just flinging it around like everyone knows what I'm talking about. So, what could it be? What could such a mysterious word possibly mean?

Thyme. It means thyme.

Yes, za'atar is just the Arabic name for thyme. It can also be spelled zahtar, zaatar, zatar or satar but apostrophes make it 30% more exotic so that's the one we use. Somehow this name got applied to a spice blend consisting of the titular thyme, sumac, salt, sesame seeds and whatever else. As with all blends, the recipe varies greatly between regions, families, people and time of year so no two mixes will taste the same. Just throw a bunch of stuff into a bowl and call it za'atar and nobody will be able to dispute it.

Common throughout the entire Levant, this seasoning is used in every imaginable way. It is sprinkled as a condiment, baked into bread, pounded into a paste with oil and decoratively thrown on top of hummus. The sumac gives it a tangy, almost citrusy flavor similar to raisins. It gives food a distinct twist that contrasts nicely with the earthy flavors of middle eastern food.

My favorite use for za'atar is in the Israeli dish shakshukah which was introduced to me by my friend Steven. He tells me it's what you make when you need to use up a lot of produce since you can put any vegetable in it. Here's my personal take on it.

If you're into middle eastern cooking, za'atar is a must. Even if you get some sort of whitewashed Martha Stewart recipe that only uses ingredients Americans are readily familiar with, add some za'atar and let your dish take on new dimensions.

OK, that was fun, now back to universe saving.

The Scoville Scale as told by Cats

A while ago I mentioned the Scoville Scale in my post about lethal peppers. I've wanted to come up with some sort of clever explanation of the scale for a while.  Well, I got beaten to it with this hilarious buzzfeed article. Enjoy!

STORE REVIEW: The Head Nut

Store, I am disappoint.  Located in the ever-crowded Reading Terminal Market, The Head Nut fails as a spice shop on far too many levels.  It first showed up in 2012 as a branch of their location in Philly's suburbs and has left a bad taste in my mouth ever since.

Now, to start with the good, one thing the store has going for it is selection.  They have many spices on hand, but they also feature nuts, candies, dried goods, coffee, tea and flour.  They even feature gluten free flour alternatives.  The store is simply packed to the point of bursting with variety.

That's really the only good thing I can say about it, though.  As far as I'm concerned, if a store ultimately sells good spices, I can forgive a lot.  That's the most important part, right?  I mean, I'm going to a spice store to buy spices.  Well, the quality of the spices here is a bit lacking and I've had to throw out some of their wares because it was just flavorless.  I'm certain that the cheap plastic jars holding the stock don't help this at all.

The buying process is awkward and unintuitive.  Nothing is pre-bagged.  Instead, you must take each jar up to the counter where the spice is measured and bagged.  If you're buying 5 different things or more this is just not ideal at all.  This could be forgiven if it were clearly indicated somehow with a sign or by the staff, but it isn't.

The staff tends to come off as apathetic.  This is the worst part of the experience.  While you're trying to figure out how to actually buy the spices, the staff won't bother explaining how that works to you.  Or anything.  If you're looking for something in particular, you're just as likely to get a blank look as you are actual help.

The baggies are sealed with twist ties, so if you run out of room in your jar and have to keep some paprika in the bag (an all too familiar occurrence for spice fiends) it's probably going to spoil.  Last I checked they did not appear to sell jars, so even that is something that must be addressed elsewhere.

I suspect the fact that this store is an offshoot is to blame for a lot of the problems.  It certainly seems like there isn't a lot of care put into running the place.  It doesn't have a whole lot of internet presence either.  There is a mention on Reading Terminal Market's website here but there isn't much actual info.  The original main line store has a (rather atrociously designed) website here and they will ship their spices, but I'm not reviewing that location.

I can't help but give The Head Nut a big thumbs down and a very disappointed 2/5 anise stars.  Their wide selection is their saving grace, but they fall flat in every other way.

Ajwain Seed

This was easily one of the most bizarre experiences I've ever had with tasting a spice.  Ajwain, also known as carom seed, Bishop's weed and trachyspermum ammi is a member of the same family of plants as cumin, celery, parsley and dill.  The taste is said to be a bit like cumin and thyme, with elements of oregano, anise and a bit of its own unique tang but...  Well...  Read on.

Ajwain is always sold as whole seeds, apparently.  This is because in its native lands of India and north Africa, it is always used as such in recipes.  The seeds look a lot like cumin or caraway seeds but they have a stringy little tail on them.  Do not fear the tail.  This is normal.  It is not turning into a sperm.

When I buy a new spice, the first thing I like to do is taste it on its own.  I like to know what I'm putting into my food, how strong it is, etc.  The first thing I noticed about ajwain is the distinct, unusual taste.  It was familiar but unfamiliar at the same time.  The next thing I noticed was that my tongue and the roof of my mouth went numb.  Not weird enough for you?  For the next 15 minutes, all I could taste was metal.  Apparently this is a normal side effect of eating way too much.

We can't stop here.  This is ajwain country.

Fortunately, this is not something that happens when it is used properly in an actual recipe instead of just chewing on a dime sized palm full of the raw seeds.  Its most popular use is in north African peanut soup, but since that's not a vegetarian recipe (and it calls for the similarly uncommon grains of paradise) I decided this easy lentil dish would be more appropriate.  I seriously recommend cutting the paprika in half or to a third, though, and maybe use veggie stock instead of water.

Ajwain seed is an extremely unusual find in the United States so don't be too surprised if you never encounter it.  The taste is pretty good (when it isn't unleashing Lovecraftian madness on your palate) but you may be hard pressed to find a recipe that actually calls for it.  This is definitely the most far out adventure I've had with a spice.  ...so far.

The Star of the Spice Rack

Star anise, or illicium verum, is the cool kid at school that everyone just likes. He gets good grades and is super popular without even really trying. It's like he has a strange mystique about him for no apparent reason. It's not that he's a bad guy, he's just very, very pretty.

Farmed and popular in China, India and southeast Asia, star anise has that famous licorice flavor and aroma that it shares with regular anise, but it's also the coolest looking spice hands down (which is why I use it for ratings).  In fact, its most common use is in taking stock photos of spices, even if that blend doesn't contain star anise at all.

But...  What are you making other than a mess?

The beautiful, star shaped pods are, unlike most spices, sold intact because the pod's shell contains more flavor than the seed.  It is worth noting that it has a more delicate flavor than proper anise which makes it better for marinading meats (or so I hear), which is its main use.

Anise and star anise are actually completely unrelated plants. They share a name because of the chemical they both contain that tastes like licorice.  However, star anise is cheaper than anise anise so it is used as a substitute. This all changes if you feel a need to buy whole, unbroken stars with all 8 arms.  Sorta like how you can buy whole cashews, you know, if you're that guy.

Seeing as star anise is most popular in Asia, I thought I'd give one of my favorite Asian recipes of the moment, phở.  The main flavors of the broth are cinnamon, star anise, ginger and pretty much any other spice you want. There is a vicious rumor that phở simply cannot be a vegetarian soup because it needs to be made with meat stock. Lies. It exists and it is called phở chay.  I have a legitimate Vietnamese recipe here and you won't be surprised to learn that I recommend going heavier on the spices.

Phở Chay recipe

Ground or whole, star anise is a must for someone looking to make Asian recipes.  You might not find much application for it in the west aside from scented candle labels and photos of impractical spice arrangements, but you won't find many spice enthusiasts who don't have it lying around.

I give it 6 out of 5 anise stars, just because.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Why Indian Food Is So Delicious

I'm not going to talk too much about this one.  Suffice to say some very smart, sciency people did some complicated stuff with flavors and figured out what it is about Indian cuisine that makes it so amazing.  It's not the least complicated read in the world, but it's certainly interesting to me.

Scientists have figured out what makes Indian food so delicious

This whole business of pairing dissimilar flavors makes perfect sense.  The classic pairing of cumin and coriander, for example, gives you both earthiness and tanginess.  For whatever reason, India figured this whole thing out and they've got it on lock.  Or wait, is it "on fleek" now?  Damn kids and their slang...

A Funny Thought

Okay, maybe it's not that funny.  I'm vaguely amused at how VERY undescriptive the names of most spice blends are.  What do I mean?  Well, most spice blends are not given an English name.  Instead, they just use the name from the original language which is then treated as a loan word.  This is probably because most seasoning blends have names that translate to something along the lines of "spice mixture".  Don't believe me?

• Chinese 5 Spice (wǔxiāngfěn) - literally translates as "five fragrance powder"
• Garam Masala - Warm spice mix
• Sazón - Seasoning (referring to the dried spice mix made popular by Goya)
• Curry Powder - Comes from the Tamil "kari podi" meaning "condiment powder"
• Adobo Seco - Spanish for "dry marinade/seasoning"
• Chaat Masala - Roughly means "lickable spice mix"
• Herbes de Provence - Herbs from Provence, France
• Baharat - Arabic for "spices", specifically the plural form
• Shichimi Tougarashi - Japanese for "seven flavored red pepper"
• Quatre Épices - literally "four spices" in French
• Advieh - the Persian word for "spice"
• Panch Phoron - Bengali for "five seasoning"
• Fines Herbes - French for "fine herbs"

These admittedly awkwardly literal translations don't have a good ring to them.  Leaving them in a foreign language makes them sound exotic.  It gives them zazz.  It makes them stand out on store shelves against the less interesting English names like "mulling spice" and "pumpkin pie spice" which sound tame and boring by comparison.  Of course, some spice blends escape this trope.

• Za'atar - This is the Arabic word for thyme.  The blend uses thyme.
• Ras el Hanout - Literally "head of the shop" in Arabic.  Implies the best spices in the store.
• Beau Monde - This is French for "good society".

I had a hard time find any others that had a name that didn't just refer to a seasoning blend in a generic sounding way.  However, there is a good reason for this.  When you trace the origins of spice blends, it generally comes down to marketing.  These spices certainly get used in their respective cultures, but they're often just ingredients common to a region's dishes.  For example, traditional Provençal cooking certainly makes use of thyme, moarjoram, rosemary and savory, but not as one fixed mixture made ahead of time.  "Herbes de Provence" wasn't known until the 1970s when it was marketed as a blend.  I've similarly talked before about how curry powder is made up by westerners, but it is certainly a blend of spices used in southern Indian cooking.  Basically, a culture's cooking tends to use certain spices repeatedly and someone will at some point decide to sell it as a pre-fab mix.  If it's meant as a general purpose seasoning blend instead of a specific recipe's spices (chili powder, pickling spice, Montreal steak rub, etc.) it's hard to give it a descriptive name.

These blends have become culinary shorthand.  You might be surprised to learn, for example, that Italians don't use anything close to "Italian seasoning".  They use all the herbs contained within, but the mix was invented in America to imply common ingredients to Italian cooking.  These shortcuts aren't bad per se, they're just not traditional.  Grandma might look at you funny for using them instead of doing it the traditional way, but she's not here right now so we don't have to worry about her cooking spoon being used as a weapon.

...or do we?

The Scorpion Challenge

I should have known better, I suppose, than to buy my father some of the world's hottest chili peppers in powdered form and think I could get away unharmed.  My father has a long history of liking overly spicy food (though he seems to be recanting this somewhat in recent years) so for his birthday, my sister and I got him powdered ghost pepper and scorpion pepper.  So naturally, we had to eat it.

Let me introduce you to the Scoville scale.  You see, we measure the "heat" or "burn" of spicy food in something called Scoville Heat Units (SHUs for short).  Here is a chart showing the SHU rating of some common peppers and spices.

Now let's add the ghost and scorpion pepper to the chart and see what happens...

ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE WORSE THAN HABANERO!!!!!!

We decided the best way to handle this would be with chili.  This way we could use a tiny pinch and hope the chili would act as insulation against the ridiculous heat.  This is the recipe we used and it was quite tasty.  I recommend giving it a try.  As a control, we made the recipe without adding any ghosts or scorpions then added the fiery madness to each bowl.  Fortunately, when dried and turned into powder, the SHUs drop to a mere 450,000 and 500,000, respectively.  Because that's so very manageable, right?

...so we made some videos of me eating this stuff...

Amazingly, I survived the ghost pepper experience without much pain.  I used maybe an eighth of a teaspoon in my bowl and, while I did break a sweat from the heat, I wasn't about to do my Madeline Kahn impression.

I felt empowered.  Perhaps I had more heat tolerance than I thought.  Maybe...  MAYBE NOTHING COULD STOP ME!!!!  With one pepper defeated, I confidently moved on to the scorpion pepper.

This...  was a mistake.  That extra 50,000 SHU is a lot.  It stings.  A lot.  HOLY HECK does it hurt!!!  But I was determined.  I felt a need to conquer.  To overcome.  I would not tap out to the vicious scorpion no matter how bad the pain got, but the more I ate, the worse it was.  I felt my lower lip swell and I thought I should stop, but looking at the bowl I only had about 4 bites left.  As my father cringed, I shoveled it into my face and powered through the last of it.

Just how bad is it?  Well, let's put it this way.  The steam from washing the bowls out in the sink made my father's eyes water.  It was that bad.  Even at just one eighth of a teaspoon it was still amazingly potent.  We decided that we're going to let it sit on the shelf for a few years and maybe by then it will have reached its half life and the burn won't be as bad.

So what did we learn from all this?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

Whatever, at least I finished it.

SAGE ADVICE #5: How Old Is Too Old?

This isn't as black and white as you'd hope, I'm afraid.  Every plant breaks down at a different rate.  Just as your mushrooms will spoil long before your carrots and your garlic will outlast them all combined, some herbs just don't last as long as others.

First, some good news.  Just because your spices have "gone bad" does not mean that they are now bad for you.  They will not make you sick or give you indigestion.  Well, normally they won't.  If they're starting to grow new lifeforms you'll obviously want to toss them.  Also, just because a spice is past its prime doesn't mean it's completely useless.  Give it a taste if its age makes you wary.  Has it turned into flavorless sawdust or is it just less potent?

In general, dried leaves (rosemary, thyme, basil, etc.) are going to last about a year.  Ground spices (cumin, coriander, turmeric, cinnamon, etc.) can last as long as two years.  Whole spices will last much longer, so your 3 year old cloves are probably still fine.  There are a few variables, of course.  Exposure to air and light will greatly reduce the lifespan of your spices.  Moisture can also ruin things.  Dill is notoriously short lived so don't buy it in bulk unless you're planning on running a pickling business.  Fresh herbs aren't going to keep much longer than a week once picked.

Tony Hill, in his book "The Spice Lover's Guide to Herbs and Spices", suggests changing out your spices every 6 to 8 months.  I don't know about you, but to me that's just a bit more expensive than I'm comfortable with.  While ground herbs start losing their complexity very quickly, I've got some savory that's a year old and still going strong.  Besides, who can afford that much mace and saffron?

The ultimate judge is your nose and mouth, but if it's been a year, start sniffing and tasting your spice rack every few months.  Longer than a year and you're going to notice a big difference in quality.  Just don't be like some people I know who haven't updated their cabinet since the 80s.

Curry, The Great Lie

Forget what you have been told.  There is no such thing as curry.  At least, not in India.  It is an entirely western concept that came about from attempting to capitalize on the exotic novelty of foreign food.  Similarly, curry powder was made up by spice merchants for the exact same reason.  It is not the powder of some sort of "curry seed" (there ARE curry leaves, but that's another story), nor is it one specific spice blend.  It is, in fact, pretty much whatever you want it to be.  However, we've gotten so used to it in the west that it's sold in stores as a pretty standardized product.

While curry isn't an Indian concept, it is certainly one that the rest of the world has embraced wholeheartedly.  The biggest example is Thai curries, which are traditional dishes called "kaeng" in Thai.  There's also Jamaican curry powder, which is the same thing as normal curry powder but with the locally grown allspice added.  Japan eats quite a lot of curry, but they recognize it as a western dish brought to them by the British.  So while you'll find curry has pervaded the world, it's still not a word familiar to Indians.

The word curry comes from the Tamil (a southern Indian and Sri Lankan people with a language dating back thousands of years) word "kari" meaning sauce or condiment.  The British East India Trading Company traded with spice merchants who sold them "kari powder" and the word stuck as a bit of a catch all for local foods.

If you wanted a close cultural analog, garam masala is a northern Indian all purpose spice mix.  What gets sold over here as curry powder is very different and much more complex.  If you'd like to make your own, I've included a basic recipe I've found that should do the trick.

How to make your own curry powder.

Since curry powder is a fake concept, I figured the most appropriate recipe I could give would be from a very fake person.  So, please enjoy this Martha Stewart chickpea curry recipe.

It's hard to talk too much about what curry powder tastes like since the ingredients vary pretty wildly, but in general you'll see a lot of cumin, coriander, turmeric, fenugreek, cinnamon, cloves and hot pepper.  It is most often used in dishes that have the word "curry" in the title.  The smell that hits you when you walk into an Indian restaurant is what it imbues.  It may not be the most authentic thing in the world, but don't let that stop you from using it.  Is it a blend of spices that tastes good in your food?  That's the real question for me.

Dat Indian Food Smell Doe

I just don't understand some people.  I've heard so many people complain that their desi neighbors cook and thus their homes "always smell like Indian food." And?  Is this a problem somehow?  Indian food smells amazing!  It is the olfactory equivalent of attaining nirvana by binge watching all the cat videos on youtube in one sitting.  That smell comes mostly from a funny little rectangular seed called fenugreek (trigonella foenum-graecum).

Fenugreek, interestingly, is a plant whose entirety is eaten.  The seeds, sprouts and even leaves are all used in some way or another.  Even cilantro can't claim that kind of hat trick.  The rectangular seeds are rock hard and need to be ground down for consumption.  They're not turmeric hard, but you can't crack them with your teeth like you can with most seeds.

Never eat the seeds whole, kids.

The name "fenugreek" comes from the Latin words "foenum graecum" meaning "Greek hay" since the Greeks were using the plant as hay to feed their cattle and sheep.  They weren't the first as the plant gets mentioned all the way back to ancient Egypt.  Cultures that ate beef or veal adopted it and so it became popular in India and Thailand, but also it was well liked in Moorish countries.

The flavor of Fenugreek is actually a bit of a letdown.  While the wonderful scent of caramel and walnuts hits your nose, what hits your tongue is more like celery and fennel with perhaps some nuttiness in the background.  It's sort of like that one friend who still thinks it's funny to put a small present inside a huge box.  Since the flavors aren't terribly strong, it's actually hard to notice when used in recipes, so put a little in to make all your guests drool at the smell.   Just make sure the rest of the dish tastes good.

I had a hard time finding a recipe for Fenugreek, mostly because it's not prominent in any of the recipes I use.  That said, I haven't tried this particular one out but it sounds good to me.  Please forgive me if it's not great.

If you've ever wondered what that certain something is that your Indian recipes need to give them that signature taste and smell, look no further.  From what little research I've done, it seems that the leaves are actually much more popular than the seeds, but that's an article for a later date.

FUN FIND: a spice rack for the scientific sort

I accidentally stumbled onto this lovely periodic table of herbs and spices magnetic spice rack while looking for a new spice rack for myself (any suggestions, anyone?).  Thought it was clever and loved the way it looked.  It was created by a guy going under the name "SinginLow" on instructibles.com and he's selling a PDF so you can print your own!

Check it out here!

It's not quite my style, but I thought it was really cool and worth sharing.  Let me know if you decide to print up one of your own!

SAGE ADVICE #4: Picking a Spice Shop

If you live in a relatively big city, chances are you've got a lot of options when it comes to spice shopping.  In the center city area of Philadelphia there are 4 spice shops that I know of, not counting grocery stores and kitchen shops with a tiny spice section.  There are probably many more in Chinatown and elsewhere that I simply haven't heard of.  So how do you discern the good from the bad?

First things first.  You're there to buy a product.  That product needs to be in good shape.  Smelling a giant jar full of cinnamon isn't going to tell you anything because it's always going to smell amazingly delicious, even if it's poor quality.  If you don't mind coming off as rude, ask how often they empty their jars, how often they rotate the product, how often the jars are cleaned, etc.  Also, be on the lookout for how well sealed the jars are.  Exposure to air is what makes spices go bad quickly.

While less than adequate staff can be overlooked if the price/quality ratio is good, it does factor into the overall experience.  Watch how the staff reacts when you start looking around confusedly.  Do they ask if you need anything right away?  Do they provide helpful advice?  Do they like talking about the product or are they content to sit and look at Facebook?  Can you trust them for advice?  Believe me, even if you're just there to buy some black pepper, a good clerk will notice when something catches your eye and help you decide if it's something you'd like to take home.

Finally, compare the prices.  Are the charging the same price or higher than the other shop that has better onion powder?  Get a sense of bang for your buck.  You can do this pretty easily with the spices you use most.  I go through so much cumin that I can rank each shop's offering.  While I've never felt ripped off, I've often wondered where that extra 50 cents goes.

Shopping for spices should be fun and exciting.  You've gotta find a shop that gives you that sense and makes you want to come back for more.  Check yelp for reviews all you like, but remember that your mileage may vary.  Some people are more attuned to certain things and shopping experiences are no different.  You've gotta find the store that's right for you.

Not Actually All the Spices.

Very few names are as misleading as allspice.  Pimenta dioica is in fact a dried berry that grows in the Caribbean area.  Legend has it that the Spanish thought it was Indian pepper (hence why they still call it pimenta) and that they'd successfully gone all the way to India.  Allspice got its name from the British who thought it tasted like like cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and pepper (it does) and that these were all the spices in the world (their culinary traditions are given side eye for a reason).  It is sweet, warm, earthy, and delicious.

As it comes from the new world, allspice is used mainly in Mexican moles and in Jamaican wood smoked jerk pastes and I'm going to leave that one alone.  Jamaica's is said to be the best with Mexican allspice being poo-pooed by spice snobs (of which I am proud to say I am not one).  It doesn't like to grow outside of its native lands so you won't see it used much in, say, Swedish cooking.  Other uses are in pastries, pickling spice and Jamaican curries.

Allspice is also a key component in Cincinnati style chili.  While I live in Philadelphia now, I was actually born in Cincinnati although my family moved here when I was only 6 months old.  At the time, my mother was eating in Skyline Chili when she went into labor.  Yes, apparently allspice is so good I jumped out to say "damn, gimme some more!"

And so began my spice obsession.

Speaking of Skyline, why not try a veggie recipe based on their chili?

If nothing else, the take home message should be that allspice is not a blend of all spices.  It is not a blend at all.  It is a spice.  It is a crop that Jamaica is so proud of they have strict regulations on how it is grown and harvested to ensure quality.  Just try to keep a straight face when they tell you it's used in jerking.

STORE REVIEW: Melange Tea & Spice

It takes a LOT to steal me away from my first love.  A LOT.

Having been open for less than a year, Melange is the newest arrival on Philadelphia's spice market scene.  However, I can see this store outlasting them all.  The first impression you get when you walk in is that things are very different.  The romance of exotic spices calling to you from jars is simply not there.  It looks very clean and modern.  I was a skeptic at first, but owners Boris and Yumiko Ginsburgs have won me over.

First things first.  The jars being out in the open is entirely for show.  It doesn't make any sense to put them there.  People are constantly opening jars, sticking their noses in and spreading their germs around.  I'm no hypochondriac, but there's something gross about that.  Plus, open air makes spices weaker.  Instead, everything is pre-bagged.

"But what if I want to smell the spices?"

Well, all you have to do is approach the counter and talk to Yumiko or Boris.  In fact, they will greet you as soon as you come in and will happily talk about their products.  They have a genuine passion for what they're selling (that extends to the tea, but I'm a spice guy so...) and a very thorough knowledge of it to boot.  I've only been twice, but both times I left feeling really good about the place and knowing a little more about spices.  This is ultimately what tipped the scales for me.  That sort of in depth knowledge leaves you more confident as a customer.

The POS system upfront is a sleek tablet based one.  The high tech register shows how new the place is.  However, this also means they embraced newer technology early on.  They're on twitter and facebook and they have a very well done website where you can order spices online.  I've linked to their online store before, but here's their main page.

Melange Tea & Spice

It's a tiny store and they are still working to gain a reputation, but they've got what it takes.  Their prices are really good, with most things being $2 for 2 ounces.  Their selection is really good (do check out their hot peppers!), the owners really have the know-how and I just can't say enough good things about this place so I'll shut up now before this run on sentence gets too crazy.  5/5 anise stars.